When I quit my job to be a stay-at-home Mom it was prayerfully and tearfully decided. I was in a job that I actually liked, but the cost of daycare was more than we could afford at the time. I didn't really want to put my child in daycare in the first place, but I also didn't really want to give up my identity in the workforce. It was a hard decision to make and I knew that when my husband and I decided that I would stay home I would need to contribute financially.
So, I spent countless hours surfing the net to see what I could come up with. I tried Avon, thought about selling jewelry, bought a very expensive embroidery machine, and finally settled on being a medical transcriptionist. I prayed about each one of these decisions and when the doors seemed to open up for me I felt that was God's answer for me. With the latter decision I have spent the better part of a year taking classes and studying and listening to people who do not speak English very well and finally graduating with high honors.
Once my course work was finished, I began to think about what steps to take next. My advisor encouraged me to get my first certification. Becoming a Registered Medical Transcriptionist (RMT) gives you more of an opportunity to get your foot in the door as a new MT. So, I set about making preparations to do this. First, I had to register for an authorization to take the exam. Here was the first delay... It seems that I was a mere 2 weeks late finishing school and registration to take the exam had been closed while they revised the exam.
I couldn't believe it!!! I had struggled and rushed to get through with my coursework so that I could get a job. There wasn't any time left for me to wait and take a test! I needed to be making money now!!!
This was the first time that I began to question whether or not I had really listened to God's will. I just assumed that when the doors opened up that it was the path for me to take. So, why was I having this hurdle right when I thought things were looking up?
Things seemed to work out and even though we had to ask for help from our parents we were still making it. But God didn't want us to continue to have to struggle like this did He? Surely He wants what is best for us...but is what is best for us what we are looking for?
I have been challenged and have faced adversity my entire life (a mere 31 years). I have tried to do this with grace and patience...failing miserably on both accounts. I struggle with this on a daily basis. I feel like if I am not doing anything to make things happen then they are not going to happen. I have extreme trust issues.
I was finally able to take my exam this week and I failed it. Due to the views of the association that I took the test through, I am not allowed to see a breakdown of my exam to assess any weaknesses that I may have. I know that I saw a lot on the exam that I was unfamiliar with and I really felt like it was geared toward someone who had been an MT for some time. I could have failed by a lot or I could have failed by 1 question. I'll never know. I have to wait 6 months before I can take it again. I have to dread it and study for it (although, hopefully with the correct study materials this time since they were no updated prior to the new test being given) all over again if I don't want to give up what I have already done.
The problem now is that I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to put my child in daycare and continue to struggle with keeping up with the bills? Am I supposed to continue on with medical transcription and find a company that will hire me based on my coursework? Am I supposed to get a part time job and hope that it makes enough to cover what we are short right now? Or, am I supposed to just sit and wait for something to happen... a miracle if you will? That's what I don't know.
Please dear Lord! Help me know what to do. I know I'm supposed to trust in You and I do. I just don't know if I am supposed to be physically doing something in the meantime. We need a miracle and we need it
This will make me a better person. This will make my marriage and my family stronger. This will make me stronger.
Dear Lord:
I am waiting. Waiting on You. I know that you have plans for us that we cannot imagine for ourselves. I know that you have plans to prosper us and not to harm us. I know that you will take care of us and will not let us fail. I thank you for all the many blessings that you have bestowed upon us. I know that even the help from our parents is a blessing from You. I know that the fact that we are still in our house and continue to have food to eat is a blessing from You. I know that the reason we have made it farther and longer than we should have been able to with what we had is a blessing from You. I pray that in Your time that Sean will find a better job. A job in which he can feel appreciated and a job that he enjoys doing. A job where he can let his light shine for You. I pray for his confidence and perseverance. I pray for You to lead him to where he is supposed to be. I pray that you would show me what my next steps are. I am believing that you led me to medical transcription for a reason and I am believing that You will show me what that reason was. I am praying over our finances that You would have your hands on our resources and allow those resources to be fruitful. I know that we have made some mistakes in that area and I pray that You would guide us through correcting those mistakes. I pray for Your peace to wash over me. I will do my part too in that I will continue to correct myself and worry less and pray more.
Amen.
